Me: Mike. Are you awake? MIKE!
Mike: Yes, I'm awake. How can I sleep when you keep waking me up for Tito's Tacos commercials and Jesus Cat?
Me: You said the Tito's Tacos theme was our song! Don't be hating on it now.
Mike: I'm not hating on Tito's. I'm hating on being woken up every five minutes by someone that isn't Maddie.
Me: Are you hating on Jesus Cat? Because that's sacrilegious.
Mike: Do you really want to get into what is and is not sacrilegious?
Me: No, just accept the awesomeness of Jesus Cat so we can move on.
Mike: Whatever. Is that all?
Me: No...I can't remember what I was going to ask you.
Mike: OK. Good night!
Me: Wait! Do you want to be cremated?
Mike: Right now?
Me: No! When you die! Do you want to be buried or cremated?
Mike: Are you really asking me this at 2:42 in the morning?
Me: YES! So, which is it?!
Mike: Well, I think my mom would freak out if I was cremated. But that would be your problem, not mine.
Me: Where do you want to be buried?
Mike: Are you asking me this because you're planning to kill me so you don't have to make me breakfast for Father's Day?
Me: No! I think now that we have Maddie, we should, you know, put our affairs in order. And also because I'm making you breakfast and it may very well kill you.
Mike: You don't have to worry about me dying yet.
Me: Who said I was worried?
Mike: (ignoring me) I haven't heard of any guy having a heart attack and dying before the age of 50 that wasn't on coke. So you have, like, 17 more years of me at the least.
Me: Unless you take up coke.
Mike: True. And that's entirely possible if you continue to talk to me at 2:42 am.
Me: What if something else happens to you? What if you get caught in the middle of a cat fight?
Mike: A...what?
Me: You know, a cat fight. Kitties. Rawr. Meow. They can get really mean.
Mike: Oh, I thought you meant like a lady fight or something.
Me: Ladies don't fight, but bitches can get vicious. Anyway, I'm talking about animals. You could get scratched and bleed a lot. Or get the Cat Scratch Flu!
Mike: It's Cat Scratch Fever, and you can't die from it.
Me: You can die from correcting your wife all the time.
Mike: Whatever happened to asking Dr. Loooove to prescribe you sleeping pills?
Heather: ....Sooooo...cremated then?
6.15.2008
Sometimes I Have Trouble Sleeping
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10 comments:
Holy crap so much of this is funny!!! I would've so been on the couch by cat fight.
Plus where's singing Mike video?
i dont know how you stay awake- once my head hits the pillow I am O-U-T. Maybe you should take up weed- I hear it makes you sleepy
Have you actually been to Tito's Tacos or does the song just run in your head all the time? :)
Cat scratch fever, divorce. Whatever.
For the record, folks, I think Heather has portrayed me as far more awesomely beligerent than I would ever dare to be! In actuality I was much more understanding...and she was much more annoying. (joke, Heather! Love you!)
Hilarity!!!
I'm impressed you can actually wake him up and engage in a coherent conversation...
I promised on your other blog I would comment and I couldn't resist now! That post cracked me up! I love your writing!!
LOL LOL LOL I loved this...I'm so jealous that you have someone to talk to at 2:42 AM...my cats just ignore me.
Jesus Cat is awesome.
*flicks single tear from eye* Misleading belligerence or not, Mike, this was awesome!
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