5.29.2008

One Day Closer to Menopause

I love birthdays. My birthday countdown started on Tuesday, and I'm sure it surprised everyone who knows me in real life that I didn't mention it that day. I am the type of person that has birthday months. But I love everyone's birthdays, not just my own. Birthdays are a great reason to get together and have fun and open shiny presents. Not that I'm in it for the presents...okay, I totally am. I love giving presents, too. I like watching someone open a gift I picked out. It's nice to make someone else happy.

I've never really understood why some people hate birthdays. Mike hates birthdays because he hates getting older. He says I'll understand when I'm old like him. I'm a regular whipper snapper next to him. I usually can coax him into celebrating his birthday with the talk of presents and booze, but if it was up to him he'd still be 29 and living the life of...um, a 29 year old.

So, my point is, yeah, birthdays mean you're a year older, but doesn't that also mean you're alive another year and all that happy crap? Blah blah blah. I've never had a problem with getting older (especially since, like I said, I'll always be a youngster next to Mike). That is, until lately.

My hair is rebelling. I've made passing reference to finding some gray hairs recently. Suddenly the gray is getting kind of out of control. My hair is naturally sort of dark blonde/golden brown (that's what the box says), but I've been dying it darker because everyone knows brunettes get more respect. It's true, look it up on Wikipedia. Yet, after discovering the latest cluster of gray hairs, I'm thinking it might be time to go back to blonde. All the better to conceal the gray.

My eyes are failing. I had an eye exam yesterday, and my optometrist was appalled by how much my eyesight has deteriorated over the last year. Like, to the point where he called in his associate and said, "look at this!!!" Yay, I love that my eyes are as freaky as my uterus! Wait, that sounds weird. Anyway, I now have to get to wear special contacts and special glasses. I asked if I could get a handicapped placard but the optometrist didn't get the joke.

My youthful good looks are fading. Yesterday I was at the check stand in Whole Foods buying the following items: Hylands Teething tabs, organic baby apple sauce, Belgian beer, and US Weekly. The checker was in training, and probably about 17 years old. She looked at my items, turned to the guy training her and said, "Do I I.D. her for this stuff?" The trainer said, "When someone is buying alcohol, you look at them and if they look younger than 35, ask to see their I.D." The girl looked at me, scanned my items, and then said, "paper or plastic?" OUCH. She thought I looked older than 35! Granted, I'm much closer to thirty five than seventeen, but do I really look that much older than a teenager? The woman in line behind me sensed my mood and tried to comfort me by saying, "Don't worry, she saw you were buying baby stuff! That's why she didn't card you!" Doubtful.

Tomorrow I'm going to procure a prescription for Boniva and get fitted for dentures. Maybe Mike will give me a blinged-out walker for my birthday. Hint hint!

17 comments:

Bec said...

*gasp*!

I'll never forget the day the check out chick at our grocery store called me "ma'am" I said "DUDE! I'm only 25!" (at the time).

PS. I've been going grey since I was sixteen. You never forget your first grey.

Mom24 said...

If it's any comfort, when I was younger, it was my baby that I counted on to guarantee I wouldn't get carded. If he was with me, I could buy anything. That sounds MUCH worse than it was in reality...but I think the lady behind you was right. I went gray at 25. It sucks. Hope Maddie is better.

~Jess said...

I'll be 26 in 2 months, and I've already started going gray. I told my mom and she said yea right, when I showed her she only said "Oh!"

I haven't gotten carded EVER. Even when I was in my teens people thought I was older, I hope it doesn't continue that way...or I'll be 50 and getting asked for my Senior Citizens discount lol

Memphislis said...

Bring on he Geritol, baby! On my birthday this year, my students asked how old I was. I told them (31). One of the said,: Woah! I had no idea you were so young!". Um, thanks? Happy Birthday and may you never look older than you are...

Danielle said...

I LOVE! my birthday. Love it. And I like cake and people singing to me and celebrating and going to work and everyone says "Happy Birthday!"

I love it all.

Anyway...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WEEK!!!!

Anonymous said...

So how old are you and Mike?

Aunt Becky said...

My body seems to be rebelling, too. I only wish I didn't notice it, right?

Jen B said...

I totally love my birthday too! Happy happy whenever yours is.

And when I get asked for ID, I excitedly say "Of course you can!", in a way-too-loud voice. Its a little obnoxious but I'm hanging on to that as long as I can! (I'm 31)

RubiaLala said...

I never liked my birthdays until this year. They are so important to The Boy and he wants to make them special, and I LOVE that.

Happy Birthday to you!

Mike said...

Heather is greatly exaggerating things. She still looks pretty good to me!

Frozen Star said...

Happy birthday week!

Christy said...

Heather- You always be younger than me! :) It was great seeing you, Mike, Rigby and Maddie last night! See you again in a few hours!!

SOO not telling - Heather will know though said...

Er, your birthday challenged friend is freaking out.....you ARE the end of June right????? Yes you have to be or else you've received a lot of embarassing phone calls with a crazy person singing 'Happy Birthday' a month late....and plus we just celebrated your 'Golden Birthday' a few years ago. :D

Kyle said...

In true Buchanan twin fashion, I still have a full head of brown hair and my eye exam this week revealed no degeneration whatsoever. Oh, Inverse Twin Syndrome, how cruel.

Michelle said...

Enjoy the birthday week! I'm with you on the long term celebrations and fun and multiple cakes, etc.

I love the idea of a blinged out walker. Will you share what you really get?

Oh-- and thank AllMediocre for sending me your way!

Dana said...

Sooooo, now minors know how to get away with alcohol purchases. Buy baby stuff at the same time! Not like there isn't teen pregnancy or anything...

Kristin.... said...

I've been going gray for about 10 years now. I've given up caring too much about it. My husband calls the gray that took over my bangs my "tiger stripes". And I didn't divorce him. :)

I LOVE my birthday. It's also in June. I will be MUCH older than you though.