Target Birthday

I am a lot of things: wife, mother, short, daughter, gorgeous, sister, etc, but one thing I try very hard not to be is boring. Yeah, sometimes my blog posts about trying to lose weight are duller than a dirty penny, but in real life I think I'm pretty fun. At least, I try to be.

I'm not sure if any of you heard, but my birthday is tomorrow, June 27th. I'm taking the day off of work, so my coworkers asked me when I wanted to have my celebratory birthday lunch. When it's someone's birthday around here, we let that person pick wherever they want to go to celebrate. We couldn't go to lunch today because there is an event going on, so it was yesterday.

I wanted to do something completely different for my lunch. I thought about it for a while, and made my decision. I think the email I sent out to my coworkers this past Monday explains it the best:

Wednesday is the day to celebrate. In our troubling economic times, I didn’t want to do anything expensive that would break the bank. Since we have to use gas, I thought it might be helpful to have my birthday celebration somewhere we could all multi-task. That place, dear friendworkers (because we’re more than just coworkers), is Target. Why Target? Because it has a Starbucks and Pizza Hut. Because is has electronics, groceries, shoes, and dog bones. Because it has EVERYTHING. Did you know Target has wine? Because this Target sells wine and I can’t get over it. Wine! In a Target! So, Wednesday, bring your grocery list and an appetite for shitty Pizza Hut pizza, and carpool on over to the Target in the Galleria. We’ll roll at 12 noon. Everyone is invited.

(I feel it is important at this point to tell you that my husband is probably mortified that I'm sharing this story. He doesn't understand Target. Oh, how I have tried. He loves everything I have bought him from there. He just doesn't GET the sheer AWESOMENESS that is Target. I think it has something to do with his mother.)

My friendworkers, either because they are totally used to me and my weirdness OR because they are on the Target Train, thought this was a fun idea. So yesterday we piled into some cars and hit the Target hard. I was pretty excited about getting some Pizza Hut, but when it was my turn at the counter, I was swayed by the promise of broccoli cheddar soup (my favorite), so I ordered that, some bread sticks, and an orange icee. Man, seeing that in writing makes it sound pretty disgusting. It wasn't. It was awesome.

My friendworkers all got varying meals, but none were as stoked as Rage:

He was so happy about his wieners. And yes, I made everyone pose with their food for a picture.

After we ate, we wandered the store. This Target really does have it all. I just wish we'd had more time! Someday, I will set aside an entire afternoon to wander all three stories of this glorious abode. Everyone got their errands done. I bought baby clothes and formula, N bought bathing suits, C bought cards, A bought shaving cream, etc. A very successful birthday lunch, if I do say so myself.

So if you read this whole thing, you probably think I am weird or fun. Either one is cool with me, as long as you don't think I'm boring! And just wait until you see the circus I have in store for my birthday celebration on Saturday.

Turk Talk

All of your comments and well wishes for Jackie! made me cry. Thank you so much for caring about my friend! I don't know if any of you saw, but not only did Jackie! read every comment but she left one of her own thanking everyone. I remember how overwhelmed and uplifted I felt when I'd hear that people I didn't know were praying for me and Maddie. The kindness of strangers is a fabulous thing. I am deeply grateful to you all.

I spoke with Jackie! today. She is consulting with a neurosurgeon (heretofore known as McDreamy, because I am unoriginal) and getting lots of opinions on what the next step should be. She's in great hands (don't say "that's what she said!"). Mike, Maddie, and I have previously-planned trips to the SF Bay area scheduled for next weekend and July 16th - 20th. I don't know how she'll manage to squeeze us in, because it sounded like she was in the middle of a party when I spoke with her. Everyone loves Jackie! I am really looking forward to getting some face time with her.

It was so great to hear Jackie's! voice. I asked her how she was doing, and she said, "Well, I have a lot on my mind." This is why Jackie! is awesome!!! I told her I am totally stealing that joke if I ever have a brain tumor. We decided that she should start a blog, and threw out possible names like, "Got Tumor?" or "Tumor Talk" or "Notes From Turk." Oh yeah, did I forget to mention that her tumor has a name? It's Turk. We hate Turk. She also told me that having a seizure at work is a sure-fire way to make sure HR doesn't give you crap about going on disability. That Jackie! Always planning ahead.

If it's okay with her, I will post Jackie! updates on here from time to time. Like she said, the more prayers the better. I'm still trying to convince her to start her own blog, "Brain Warts." Man, I need to work on my titles. "Turk on my Mind," maybe? Jackie?! Have I convinced you yet?

In An Instant

I've talked a bit about my friend Jackie. We met in college...I don't remember actually meeting her, though, now that I think about it. I just knew her. We spent hours procrastinating in college. She was the only other person I knew that would wait until eight hours before her paper was due to start writing (and also got As on said papers, thankyouverymuch). We lived together at the beach for years after we graduated and had many adventures, some we remember and some we don't. We would watch American Idol every week (OH Kelly Clarkson!) and roast marshmallows in our fake fireplace. She visited me in New York and taught me how to ice skate. When I was told I would miscarry Maddie, she comforted me when I cried, and when I was on bed rest she called me every day to make sure I was ok. She and her family put Maddie on every single prayer chain in the universe. She was one of my first friends to hold my little baby. She's a ball of fun, and in my mind, there is an exclamation point after her name. Jackie!

Last night I got a phone call from a different friend, the kind of phone call where you know the second you answer the phone that something is wrong. My first thought went to my pregnant friends, and I feared one of them was in premature labor. Instead she told me something completely and totally different.

Yesterday at work, Jackie had a seizure in the middle of a meeting. Tests have discovered a brain tumor. Doctors don't know if it's cancer or not. Brain tumor. I am looking at the words but they are hard to believe. She is in the hospital, and the doctors want to remove the tumor as soon as possible. Her parents cut a vacation to Sweden short to be with her. They get back tonight at seven. Once they're back, decisions will be made about treatments and surgery.

San Francisco has never felt so far away.

I don't belong to any churches or prayer groups. I'm just asking all of you to please pray/hope/send positive thoughts toward Jackie and her family. She's Hot Stuff On A Stick. My Monchichi, Cha Cha, Jack Attack, and about a billion other ridiculous names. Leave her well wishes - she reads this blog and I feel like giving her prayers is all I can do from way down here in LA.

She is the kind of friend everyone wants to be, and few are lucky enough to have.

I Told You I Wasn't Crafty

Today I went to a birthday party for my old college roommate, Alyssa. The invitation was for a craft party. I was like, yay, party, but um, crafts? I was scared because, contrary to popular belief, I am crap at crafts. My friend Brianne and I drove up together and we tried to figure out what we'd be crafting. Considering the closest Brianne and I ever get to crafting is picking out our nail polish at the salon, we were stumped.

We shouldn't have worried, though, because Alyssa and her husband Rian are two of the most creative people I know. They went to estate sales and thrift shops, and bought old hardcover novels, picture books, and children's books. They took everything apart, cut the picture & children's books pages down to the same size as the novel covers, and bought lined, plain, and decorated paper. The purpose of all of this? To make our own journals. Who thinks of this stuff? I see a bunch of books and paper and I think, "Ugh, homework," but they see the opportunity to create. I just don't think outside the box.

I knew I wanted to make a journal for Maddie, so I set about very carefully picking out my sheets of paper, the colors I wanted to use, and my graphics. I was somewhat inspired by the colors in her nursery.


Once the paper goods were selected, we had to go about folding them and putting them in order, as demonstrated by Brianne and Danielle.



Once you had all your pages in order, you had to hold the pages and hardcover firmly to glue the binding.


Once everything was secure, it was glue time:



While we waited for the glue to dry, we ate. YUM. I like food.

Once the glue was dry, Alyssa's husband Rian came around and used tape to bind the books. As usual, I forgot to get a picture of this step. But it was, you know, bind-y. Then I forgot to get a picture of me agonizing over what to put on the front. I did remember to get a picture of the finished product:


I was so happy with how it turned out. I was like, oh, this is the bookmark, so I can make sure to remember where I left off writing down all my hopes and dreams for Maddie. It's going to be so great. And then I carefully opened the book to paste my little note to Maddie on the inside, and I saw it.

I'd decorated the book backwards. And upside down. The picture of Joan Collins I'd carefully picked out? On its head. The dancing penguins? Falling off the stage. The passage about traveling to exotic islands? Sliding down the page.

I'm still going to use the book, of course! I do love how it turned out. Maddie is just going to get some real insight into her mom's mind. It's like when I wanted to tell my brother I was pregnant, so I went out and bought him all the stuff to make him a t-shirt that said, "Uncle Kyle." I literally spent an hour in the store picking out the iron-on letters (I wanted the perfect font!) and then spent another 90 minutes carefully placing the letters so they looked perfect. I ironed them on with care, and then when I held the shirt up, I realized I'd spelled out, "UNLCE KYLE."

Nope, definitely not crafty.

Speaking of my brother, he is guest blogging for Defamer on Monday and Tuesday. Make sure you go by there and click on his posts and give him some page-view love. It could turn into a full-time gig!

All My Beeyotches

You all are so nice to compliment Mike and me. But really, I am putting the best possible pictures up here. Believe me. It's my blog, so I get final cut. Although, when I was looking through my 5 billion flickr photos, I found a few that almost made the cut, but were just edged out. Like this one:

Sexy.

It never occurred to me that you would want to see a picture of the drag queens. Here are my gorgeous queen friends posing with my old roomies Jackie and Bella. This picture is from Halloween 2002, which is why Bella has on a snake skin hat and Jackie has a bone in her hair. I'm taking the picture (I was dressed as a sexy nurse, let your imaginations run wild), but I would be doing all of you a disservice if I didn't point out that the wigs, earrings, and other embellishments are all made of feminine products. Click on the picture for a closer look.


Ginger wasn't my maid of honor because I didn't have a maid of honor - I had a Matron. Splitting hairs, I know. My Matron of honor was my bestest friend in the whole world, Tara. We've known each other since we were two years old, and we were lucky enough to grow up three houses away from each other. As hot as Ginger and Ginger's friend are, Tara is way hotter - and 100% woman. Tara is the bomb, and I'm not just saying that because I indirectly implied that a drag queen would have been a better honor attendant than her. No, I'm just saying it because it needs to be said. And also, Tara knows way too much about me for me to ever let her be mad. She has more dirt on me than the Scientologists have on Katie Holmes. I love Tara!

Maddie had a busy day today. My parents picked her up at the crack of dawn to take her to the Catholic Girls High School by their house. One of their best friends is the religion teacher there, and she had her students pray for me and Maddie every day we were in the hospital or I was on bed rest - we're talking 140 days of praying here. Today was their last day of school, so my mom brought Maddie in so the girls could meet her. I forgot how baby-obsessed teenage girls are. My mom said the squealing was insane, and several of the teenage girls said, "I want a baby NOW!"

In related news, 27 nuns simultaneously fainted dead away in a Los Angeles Suburb.

Presenting...The Father of My Child

Mike and I both went to the same university. We didn't meet there, and in fact only had one year of overlapping attendance. I'm full of school pride and spirit and all that, while Mike...isn't. He was in Film School. That should explain it all.

I am into college football in a major way, and so are all of our friends and family. We are those really insane people that tailgate all day long, bringing TVs and satellite dishes and the whole nine yards to football games. We go big. Mike, being an agreeable guy, gets dragged along with us. He likes to go to the tailgates for the food and booze, the drinking games (OH, the games we have), and the people. The football? Not so much. He's more of a baseball guy.

In 2005, I was looking forward to the fall football season even more than usual. I'd just moved back to California from NYC and I was very excited to tailgate again. Our college stadium was one of the last to ban the sale of alcohol inside the stadium, and 2005 was the first year booze wasn't going to be available. The school president said this was to prevent drunken fights and disorderly conduct. Anyone with half a brain knew that people would just drink WAY more before the game started, getting more smashed than anyone ever needs to be.

The first football Saturday was met with much excitement from me, and much remorse from Mike. He was in the middle of an intense Masters program, and he had class from 8am to 5pm the day of the game. Luckily, kick off was at 7pm, so he would still be able to make the game, although he'd miss all of the tailgating. I promised to save him food, and I secretly packed him some of his favorite Belgian beer - beer with twice as much alcohol as domestic lager.

Luckily for Mike, his class let out a bit early, and he was at our tailgate by 5:30. We all had saved him TONS of food. I gave him the chicken teriyaki I'd made, Derek gave him a spicy bratwurst, Woodsy gave him some carne asada. As he scarfed down the food, he kept saying, "how much longer until we go in?" He knew there wasn't a lot of time until we had to join the masses of people making their way into the coliseum.

I showed him where our cooler was, and then I got distracted by something shiny. The next thing I knew, an hour had gone by and Mike...well, let's go over everything he'd consumed.

Four Belgian Beers
"A few" tequila shots - I assume that means three or more
At least one Bud Light (that I saw) during a shotgun contest
Two margaritas
Chicken teriyaki, a spicy brat, and carne asada

For some reason, I wasn't alarmed. Mike seemed improbably sober, but I chalked it up to his iron stomach. We joined the masses waiting to be searched (no rogue flasks allowed!) before entering the coliseum.

I was scanning the crowd for the shortest line, while Mike and our friend Matt were walking behind me. Suddenly, Matt grabbed the back of my shirt. "Mike doesn't look so hot," he said, pointing. I looked at Mike, who had frozen in his tracks. He looked grayer than the Seattle sky. I knew at that point he was going to barf, it was just a question of when. I said to him, "can you hold it in until we're inside the gates?" Probably not my most caring moment, but if he barfed outside, we were never going to get let in. Luckily, his color came back and he said he'd be fine.

After we went through the inspection point, we had to wait in the line of people getting their tickets scanned. Suddenly, I felt a shove from behind, and I turned to see Mike sprinting from the queue. He pushed all the skinny freshmen out of his way, then proceeded to projectile vomit all over the ivy-covered fence. People started screaming in terror and disgust. I may have been one of them.

At that point, I was struck with a dilemma - be the caring, supportive girlfriend, or stand back so the puke couldn't splash my feet. I chose the former, and walked over to pat him on the back while he retched. I looked down, trying not to make eye contact with anyone. In between heaves, Mike would yell out things like, "They don't sell alcohol inside anymore!" or "I've only been here an HOUR!" He did a great job defending his honor.

When he was done puking, he turned to me, wiped his mouth, and exclaimed, "Let's go watch some football!!" The look of pride on his face...I'd never been so in love. Maddie gave me the same look this morning right after she threw up all over my work clothes. Somehow, Mike not only managed to convince me to marry him, but he even convinced me to have his delightful, vomiting child! They both love a good puke and rally.

Mike's other day job (you know, besides being a Maddie Daddy) is writing. Some of you may have clicked the link for his baseball blog, but he has another blog, too. It's called The Newborn Identity, and he writes about life with Maddie. It's pretty new, so he could use some feedback. Go over there and give him some love - and tell him to lay off the spicy bratwursts.

The Beauty, The Splendor, The Wonder Of My...

With my birthday a mere 23 shopping days away, I've been reflecting on some of my favorite June 27s past. Even though I apparently look like crap to everyone but gas station attendants, I am still very much looking forward to my birthday. I've had some great celebrations in the past - well, except that one where I almost got arrested - and I feel pretty lucky.

I had another blog before this one, and I did a good job of documenting my birthdays. I've had lots of fun parties, but you guys don't really give a crap about those. You should care more about the presents. I have great friends who have given me presents that are so ME it's amazing. Like the cotton candy machine Matt, Leslie, and Christi gave me. Or the water balloons and sidewalk chalk Dana gave me (we had so much fun throwing balloons off my balcony, and the cops only came a couple times). But really, one of the best presents I ever received was from my old roommate, Bella.

Some back story - I am obsessed with curly hair. I don't have it, but my brother Kyle is blessed with gorgeous curls that I have coveted for as long as I can remember. In 2003, my obsession reached a fever pitch, and I wrote about it on my blog.

My birthday is just days away
A day that's all for me.
I plan to eat and drink and skip
And maybe climb a tree.

What do I want? My friends all ask
(They're sweet to want to know).
Well, nothing too unusual:
A giant blonde afro.

I think the 'fros are glorious
All curly, thick, and high.
If I were to posses one it
Would make me supa fly.

My 'fro and I could do it all
Stop crime, kick ass, take names,
Yet still find time to grab a drink
And go dance with the dames.

So as I blow my candles out
I wish this for my mane
Please work into a 'fro for me!
The world we then will reign.

On my birthday, I came home to a large box on my bed with a card from Bella. Inside it was this:

Best. Present. Ever.

Alright, I want to hear 'em - what is the best gift you ever received*? And if you say your child or your health or something mushy like that, prepare to be mocked. I want to know the creative gift, or the really thoughtful gift, or the gift you always wanted. Do it for Mike - he needs ideas.

*Bonus points if you say something with diamonds, SLR cameras, or trips to Fiji.

The Great Teething Test

As soon as Maddie's pediatrician (looooove) said it was okay to give Maddie Baby Motrin, I ran to the store to purchase all of your teething suggestions. I was surprised that I couldn't find ANY of the homeopathic teething tablets. Of course, I only went to one store, but I figured that since this is California, we'd have all that healthy stuff everywhere. Apparently the Ralph's by our house doesn't believe in that stuff. Alas.

Mike and I put together a four point rating system to determine what was the best remedy. We're very scientific. The first point was ease of use - was it easy for us or Madeline? Second, did the crying get better or get worse? Third, did the remedy amuse us, giving us a ray of sunshine amid the screams of pain? And finally, could Mike and I be arrested for implementing this remedy? Armed with our system and our instruments of relief, we put them to the test.

The first thing we tried was a washcloth, as suggested by Memphislis, Danielle, Jill, and Baby B. We froze one end, wet another end, and left the rest dry. She definitely chewed on the washcloth, but only when we were forcing it into her mouth. Her crying quieted briefly, but then started back with a vengeance. However, with the washcloth in her mouth, it sounded like she was crying through a pillow. Funny! We'd probably get arrested if she smothered on it, though. Less funny.

Danielle also suggested letting her chew on a baby toothbrush. This one was easy for her to grab onto and put in her mouth. The problem was she was too busy smacking herself in the face with it. Then she hit herself in the eye, and you know what they say about fun and games and eyes. Needless to say, the crying did not get better, and while watching Maddie wield a toothbrush like a tiny sword was funny, we're pretty sure we'd get arrested if we allowed her to poke her eye out.

Casey said she used to give her daughter cold metal spoons to gnaw on. Luckily we have some of those laying around, so we froze one and gave it to Maddie. It was easy for her to use and she loved it. Unfortunately, it lost the coldness pretty fast, and then she had no use for it, flinging it aside like trash. Since we used a serving spoon, sometimes her tongue would poke through the holes. Funny. We wouldn't get arrested for this one, either!

Bridgetsuggested we give Maddie a pickle to chew on. She also said they got funny pictures of her kids chewing on pickles. We like funny! So we tried it. Maddie was NOT having it. The second Mike put the tiny gherkin in her mouth, she yanked her head away. The look of disgust on her face was priceless. We wouldn't get arrested for this one, but I think Maddie would call the police on us if we made her eat a pickle again.

SP said a peeled carrot is a good gnawing option. It might have been, if we hadn't just given her a pickle. I think the pickle was where we started to lose her trust. She didn't like the way the carrot tasted. Good for her, I hate carrots, too.

I ran into a problem when I was looking for the mini bagels suggested by Mom24 and Val - I couldn't find any. I asked the guy at Ralph's, and he said, "what are mini bagels?" Jeez Louise. I improvised and bought the smallest bag of bagels I could find, and froze them. I tried to get Maddie to gnaw on it, but she looked at me like I was mental. This is where I completely lost Maddie's trust.

Just Me said peas or popsicles (or as I call them, Popstickles) worked for her kids, so I was all ready to go with those. Then Mike pointed out that Maddie has the hand-eye coordination of a drunk chicken, and maybe we didn't want to do anything overly messy. So she got everything in the package.

She liked sucking on the wrapped popsicle, but it had the same weapon potential as the toothbrush. After she hit herself in her other eye I had to take it away from her, and that didn't make her happy.

Jess, Gemini Girl, Jill, and London2434 all suggested booze. Yeah, we didn't exactly try that one. We probably would have, if we hadn't consumed all the booze in the house during the CRYYYYYYYYYING. Note to others, a crying baby does not make a hangover feel better. Also, Mike said this picture is child abuse.

The most popular suggestion (Bec, Mom24, All Saints, Kristin, Danielle, Jen B, Jody, and Jill) was Motrin or Ibuprofen. At Kristin's suggestion, we called Dr. Loooove to make sure it was okay to give it to Maddie. We still tried all the other suggestions, because friends, drugs are not always the answer. Except in this case. Look how happy she is!

Drugs were the hands-down winner.

I am still determined to try the homeopathic tablets suggested by Shauna, Casey, All Saints, Danielle, Just Me, and Holli. I just have to find the time to, you know, look.

Seriously, thanks to everyone who left comments with suggestions! It was great to hear from so many people.

Tomorrow, really, I will let you know about her appointment with Dr. Lung. I swear.

There Should Be Teething Remedies for Adults

I keep starting this entry, only to stop because of the cryyyyyyyyyyyying. I don't know how such a little thing doesn't just pass out from sheer exhaustion! I know I am practically falling over.

Any.Way. WOW! I was so excited to hear from so many of you. I loved finding out who reads about our little family, and when you leave a link to your own blogs, I get really happy! Thanks for all the advice, for realz. I read each one as they came in, since Mike and I were awake with Maddie pretty much all night. I seriously went out and bought EVERYTHING you all suggested. Yes, even the rum, although the only mouth rum is going into is mine. We've constructed an elaborate rating system, and we will post the results tomorrow.

Maddie also had another appointment today with Dr. Lung. That lady is six kinds of crazy. Everything went well, but it wouldn't be an appointment with Dr. Lung if it didn't leave me screaming, "NO! UNACCEPTABLE!" into the phone.

Okay, I give up. The crying has made this entry total crap. I hate to be all Ryan Seacrest in this joint, but really, tomorrow I will fill you all in on the teething remedies and the appointment with Dr. Lung.

I will end with some pictures that pretty much sum up the day. Before I had time to make it to the store to buy your teething remedies, we discovered that Maddie calmed down when we put her in her stroller. If she cried, we'd just roll it across the room (usually gently, which I thought showed remarkable restraint) and she'd settle down.

This is the first time we put her in the stroller. She calmed immediately. It was like freaking MAGIC.


Red Alert! The stroller isn't moving! Red Alert! The stroller isn't moving!


MOM WHY ARE YOU TAKING MY PICTURE WHEN I AM OBVIOUSLY IN PAIN! STOP TAKING PICTURES AND COMFORT ME! MOM!

Sigh.

The New Ashton & Demi

After my last post, I was rounding up my torches and Molotov cocktails when Maddie's pediatrician (looooove) called me. She'd heard about the results of Maddie's sweat test and wanted to make sure we were okay and that we weren't worried. She said that in her medical opinion, Maddie does NOT have CF, and while her sweat test was elevated, she thinks it was a lab error. She also said that it IS a good idea to have Maddie tested again (since the test doesn't hurt her at all), but we shouldn't worry about it or let it ruin our weekend. This is why I looooove her.

Maddie has learned a new "trick" that started out really cute. Now it's driving us to the brink of crazy:



My first mistake was laughing. Now she does it ALL THE TIME! She's even doing it in her sleep!

It was a big friend weekend around these parts. Mike, Maddie and I brought dinner to our friend Leslie, who was hanging out while her husband was out of town. It was nice to visit with her and her mother, who was staying with her. I also had lunch with my friend Alyssa. We haven't spent time together in a long while, and I was really happy for the opportunity to catch up on her life.

Maddie finally met her future husband this weekend. Today is my best friend Tara's birthday, so Maddie and I had lunch with Tara and our friends Ashley, Diane and Diane's nine month old Meghan to celebrate. After lunch, Maddie and I went back to Tara's house to introduce the kiddos. We sat their chairs next to each other and took pictures, yapping about them getting married until Tara's husband gagged. Her son is six weeks old and already weighs a pound more than Maddie! He needs to teach her a thing or two about gaining weight.

And the Winner is...

Maddie and Sadie both had excellent weigh-ins yesterday. Maddie had been hovering at 9lbs 12 oz for weeks now, while Sadie's last weight was 9lbs 3oz.

They both gained weight!!!

Maddie now weighs an absolutely arm-tiring 10lbs 4oz!
Sadie is pushing around newborns and puppies at 9lbs 12oz!

Stefanie and I (and I'm sure our husbands, too) are very relieved that the girls both gained a good amount of weight. We are trying not to think about how they are still off the bottom of the chart for their adjusted age. As Stefanie says, this is LA and Thin is In.

Maddie is sooo thin, too - she is in the 50th percentile for length, and her head circumference is in the bottom 5%. She's an upside down exclamation point!

There were a lot of commenters who came very close - Gemini Girl even guessed Maddie's weight correctly. Memphislis came within an ounce of Maddie and three ounces of Sadie and she is our big winner! So, email me with your mailing info!

Thanks to everyone who played! Contests are fun!

Guess the Babies' Weight, Win Some Prizes

So...listen. I have a confession to make. I have internet friends. I know that makes me sound like I play Second Life with a bunch of nerds. While it's true that maybe I've dabbled in Second Life (I was on bed rest and it was after that one episode of "The Office" so gimme a break), sometimes I get embarrassed when I refer to my internet friends because it sounds so...hmm. Lame? I dunno. Point being, I have decided to do what I can to make my internet friends Real Life friends. It also helps when they only live a few miles away.

This weekend, I met Stefanie. I know what you're thinking, and I made sure it was in a public place because it's clear that the sleep deprivation from mothering three tiny people has knocked a few of her screws loose. She was signing the latest of her awesome books, so since, in her words, her husband was watching her shorties, we thought we would take advantage of the opportunity to grab some face time.

What do we have in common, you might be wondering? Well, besides being exceptionally hot, we both have babies that are teeny. Her twin daughters were born premature, a few weeks after Maddie. One of the twins is a big fatty at over 13 pounds, but tiny little Sadie is, at her last weigh in, nine pounds three ounces. We commiserated over our white wine cocktails and tried to figure out how we could make our two little girls as big as The Fat Twin (poor Matilda, we mean it in a loving way).

So, why do you care about all this? Because today Miniature Maddie and Slim Sadie are both getting weighed, and I'm running a contest. Whoever correctly guesses Maddie and Sadie's weight gets some prizes. This is harder than you might think. Both Maddie and Sadie have been known to gain a pound in seven days. They've also been known to lose weight, or gain nothing for weeks.

I promised awesome prizes, and I always deliver. I'm like Papa John's pizza. Here is my baby spokesmodel with all the loot:

baby not included

The person who guesses correctly (or closest) will win a fitted woman's Billabong t-shirt, Neutrogena Deep Cleanser, Neutrogena Healthy Defense daily moisturizer, Neutrogena Moisture Rich Sunless tanner, Neutrogena Mineral Shears Blush, and a copy of Stefanie's latest book, Naptime Is the New Happy Hour. I'm not good at math, but I think that all adds up to like $12,817 in prizes.

To enter, leave a comment on this entry. I'll announce the winner May 13 after 2pm PDT.

Joy of Joys and Baby Boys

I was driving to the hospital yesterday when my phone rang. Mike was on the other end.

Mike: Hi! So...um...where are you right now?
Me: About seven minutes away! Almost there! ...why?
Mike: ....well....
Me: WHAT?! WHAT IS IT?!?! (having a mild heart attack)
Mike: Well, I was feeding Maddie, and the next thing I knew, she had pooped all over me!
Me: *silence*
Mike: So I'm just sitting here in a towel and I need you to get me some clothes from home!!!
Me: You're sitting there just in a towel? In her room? Did you ask the nurse for scrubs?
Mike: NO! I'm hiding from the nurses in the bathroom and none of them have come in yet!!! There's POOP EVERYWHERE!!! HURRY!!!!
Me: *uncontrollable laughter*

By the time I got there, a nurse had given him a pair of scrubs. He saved his pants and hoodie for me to see, and I think there was a pound of poop on his crotch. It was pretty gross. The antibiotic Maddie is taking gives her runny stool. Now when we hold her we wrap a burp rag around her bottom!

My mom stayed with Maddie and me last night (she stayed with me most nights and Mike and I are soooo grateful for all her help). I woke up at 3 am to, "Heather! Maddie has been off the oxygen for an hour!" I jumped up, thinking that she had pulled her cannula out of her nose. Then I almost fainted because I got up too fast, which is always a delightful feeling. Once I got my bearings, I realized my mom meant that the nurse had turned her oxygen OFF. Maddie's saturation was right at 100 on only 1/4 liter of oxygen, so her nurse decided to try her on nothing. When she was off, her sat level was anywhere from 88 - 100. When it dropped to 88, she pulled it back up into the 90's herself within a minute. At 4:30 am her nurse removed her cannula all together. Maddie barely stirred as the tape was being pulled from her face. She was too tired.

When her Pediatrician came in at 7:30, she said, "Maddie is doing better than I could have hoped!" She didn't think she'd be off the oxygen until the weekend. She examined her and then said, "okay! She can go home!" We were thrilled!!! We then started gathering our stuff. I'd been sleeping there for two weeks so I had a ton of my own stuff, let alone Maddie's stuff, some of Mike's stuff, and some of my mom's. Nothing is ever quick, though. After the Pediatrician decided she could be discharged, all the residents had to troop through and examine her, and the nurses, and the respiratory therapists. Not to mention the paperwork. Then, we had to go over all her medications and new breathing treatments. Finally, everyone had looked at her, the medications and treatments were set, the paperwork was done, and we could go! We said goodbye to all the wonderful nurses who took care of Maddie and then we blew that joint so fast there were cut outs of our bodies in the walls.

It's so nice to be home. Maddie immediately settled back into her usual routine of playing, swinging, and eating. When she napped, it was so glorious to lay on the couch! I'm so looking forward to climbing into my big, wonderful bed in a little while. Just as soon as this munchkin goes to sleep. Right now I'm too busy hugging her and kissing her tape-free cheeks.

In other really awesome news, my best friend Tara had a baby boy yesterday! Tara and I have been friends since we were two years old. We always planned on having babies at the same time so they would grow up as best friends, like we did. Mike always thought that was funny, but he clearly underestimated us. We are meticulous planners! Which is funny, because it sounds like we had such an easy time of getting pregnant. We like to tell our husbands that Maddie and her son are going to grow up and get married, simply because it freaks both of them out. In all actuality, they are going to grow up like brother and sister, which is exactly what we want. I'm so happy for Tara and her husband (and big sister Reilly!)...Tara and I both worked pretty hard for these babies and it's amazing that we now have full arms and hearts.

The Kindness of Others

It isn't often that I find myself dumbstruck. I'm usually pretty quick with a comeback, and I definitely fall into the "talkative" category (just ask any of my teachers). But, since my pregnancy got dicey all those months ago, I have found myself speechless countless times thanks to the amazing support we got from so many people. You always hear that when times are tough, your real friends will be there for you. Well, not only were all our friends there for us, but friends of friends, parents, neighbors, coworkers, and cousins of friends of friends were there for us, too. It really was so amazing to us, and almost overwhelming. It's hard for me to put into words how it feels that people I don't even know care about us, and care about my daughter.

I have received countless emails and cards, and I've saved all of them for Madeline to read when she gets older. Our friends that live close by have visited us during our different hospital stays, and those that couldn't have emailed or called. My mom has been at the hospital every day, and we've had to force her to go hom to get rest. There have been offers to walk Rigby, to do our laundry, or do our grocery shopping. I don't even like doing those things for myself!!! Matt & Leslie gave us gift certificates for dinner. Dozens of people have shared stories with me of their similar experiences that ended well. During this hospital stay alone, Maddie has received seven new stuffed animals, 13 balloons, and bunches of cards. Yesterday my friends Bella, Kim, and Leigh added to her collection with a Teddy Bear and clown balloons.

Prayer chains in a handful of different religions are going strong in Maddie's name. One of my favorite bloggers sent all her readers over to lend support. And then today, Maya send over a huge bounty of goodies. Like I said in my email to Maya, the presents are AMAZING, but the thing that really brightens our days is knowing so many people care.

I'm sounding like a broken record here!!! Having a baby in the hospital is hard, but we are lifted up by the support of all of you. Thank you, a million times.

How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I love the medical profession, I really do. I mean, it saved my daughter's life. But I forgot how frustrating it can be when you're at a teaching hospital. Not because you're dealing with students who are learning - I'm happy for future doctors to see a baby like Maddie. With so many people looking at Maddie's information, they are all going to have different opinions. I'm okay with that, too...the more people thinking about my daughter, the better. My problem is they all come by to see Maddie and they tell us what they think the problem is and what they think should happen. So, by the end of the day, I have been told the opinions of two residents, one pulmonologist, two respiratory therapists, two nurses, and one attending. Yesterday we got eight different opinions of the same chest x-ray, and they varied wildly. I spoke or emailed with several people yesterday and no joke, I told everyone something different.

Of course, the only opinion that matters in the end is that of the attending physician, who is Maddie's pediatrician - she's the decision maker. She said that her x-ray showed some signs of improvement in the right upper lobe (I didn't know lungs had lobes...my high school anatomy teacher is shaking her head). It also showed some mucus plugs that are causing areas of atelectasis. And, there was some sort of "shadow" on her lungs that could either be excess fluid or pneumonia. Her pediatrician decided to give her a single dose of a diuretic called lasix. If the shadow is not pneumonia, then the lasix will make that shadow smaller by removing some of the excess fluid. If it is pneumonia, then Maddie will start taking antibiotics. In the meantime, she is still on oxygen. She's back down to 1/2 a liter per minute, but they just can't get her lower than that. It's so frustrating. She had deep suctioning today. A respiratory therapist or nurse threads a long, skinny catheter through her nose down into her lungs and tries to get all that mucus out. I can't stress how much she hates this. She screams until she doesn't make any noise, and her face turns as red as fire. It's hard to watch - my mom has to leave the room when it happens. But it helps, and we have to focus on that.

She had more visitors yesterday, so that was fun! Our friends Catherine, Matt, and Leslie came by to say hi and play with Maddie. Matt and Leslie also brought Maddie a bumble bee balloon, so Maddie has quite the menagerie of garden creatures keeping her company in 5444A. It's great to get visitors, it helps break up the days. We're finishing day 10 here in the hospital and we're all getting to the breaking point. So, fingers crossed that lasiks does the trick and we get sprung from here soon.

One step forward, two steps back

I'm writing this with Maddie sprawled in my lap. She's in that state of what I like to call "suspended animation." She's breathing slow and steady, as if she were asleep, but her eyes are only half closed and she is talking quietly to herself. It cracks me up.

Yesterday her nurses decided to get aggressive. They did some deep suctioning treatments (which Maddie predictably HATED) and took her nasal cannula off. The tape was irritating her skin and the cannula had rubbed a little spot under her nose raw. She wasn't totally off oxygen, though. We had "blow by" set up. It was just a tube with oxygen coming out of the end. If she started to de-sat, we would point the tube in her face. She did pretty well off the cannula. I'd say she was off for about six hours. Toward the end of that time, though, she was de-satting regularly, so it was back on the cannula for her.

Unfortunately, she hasn't been doing as well since then. The doctors and nurses have had to increase her oxygen to a full liter per minute. They are going to spend the day trying to figure out why she is needing more oxygen when, by now, she should need less. She'll probably have a chest x-ray. Her chest rattle, which had been diminishing the last few days, is back with a vengeance today. The nurses think it's a long shot that she'll be released at the beginning of the week. And, it's looking more and more like when she IS finally released, she'll be coming home on oxygen.

Even though she's working harder to breathe, Maddie is in good spirits. She's smiling and cooing and generally being pretty awesome. I can tell, though, she is getting bored. We're doing all we can to entertain her and give her some new experiences. Yesterday my friends Brianne and Lissa came by to visit, and Maddie LOVED seeing the new faces. Lissa brought a pretty balloon that Maddie loves to stare at, and a cute little puppy stuffed animal to guard her until she can be with her real puppy again.

A Few Things For The Room

I've been the happy recipient of a few more gifts here that I wanted to post pictures of.

Beautiful flowers from Bella and Steve:


Trojan spirit from Jackie and Christy:


A cookie bouquet from Brian and Sheila...that unfortunately arrived literally three minutes after I was told I have The Diabetes. Mike enjoyed the cookies! I watched.


My Aunt Kathy & Uncle Bill sent up Spunky. Spunky is to keep me company in the hospital until the baby arrives, then she is all Maddie's.


Thanks to everyone!!!

Day Fifteen

It appears, thank goodness, that The Diabetes can be controlled by diet. YAY. By removing the few things that tasted good from my diet, my blood sugar is hovering between 90 and 110 (it needs to be below 120). So my OB said today that I only have to test my blood sugar twice a day. Double yay! The finger pricking isn't too painful - it's all about where on your finger you stick yourself. The nurses have shown me that the side of the end of the finger is best because the nerves aren't right there, and it still bleeds enough to get a proper reading. Still, I'm glad I only have to go through it twice a day. The nutritionist also taught me how to count carbs and all that, so I can finally eat outside food. Physical therapy STILL didn't come. My doctor was pretty pissed about that, so hopefully she busted some ass and I'll get my therapy next week. My specialists should be coming by this weekend, so we'll get another measurement of Madeline's growth.

I had some fun visitors today!!! Diane and her adorable daughter Meghan came by to see me this morning. Meghan was born at the end of August. Because of work and other things, I wasn't able to go visit Diane and Meghan right away, and then I was put on bed rest! So today was the first time I met Meghan. She is such a little cutie! It was so great to visit with Diane and cuddle her little baby - it helped remind me what I'm doing this all for! Soon, Maddie and Meghan will be crawling around, playing and cooing. But hopefully not TOO soon, Maddie needs to stay in and cook a little while longer. Diane also brought Madeline the adorable little "Worth The Wait" onesie that is at the beginning of the entry. I have it hanging at the top of the bed near my head, reminding me that as much as I want to get out of this damn hospital bed, there is someone at the end of this worth waiting for! Good motivational work there, Diane! Mike and his parents also came by today. Mike is feeling better, although still not great, but he was up to visiting for a few hours with me and his parents. I feel so lucky that so many people have come to visit me. Mike's parents came all the way from Northern California!!! It makes me realize how lucky I am. So many people care about our little family, I am so grateful.

HOSPITAL FOOD
Breakfast: 1/2 portion Cream of Wheat, 1/2 biscuit sandwich with eggs and sausage, decaf coffee
Snack: low calorie no sugar yogurt
Lunch: Chicken salad that looked like barf, sugar free chocolate cake
Snack: Graham crackers, milk
OUTSIDE FOOD
Carnitas tacos from Baja Fresh! YUM!!!

Day Ten

Did I really say yesterday that the time is going fast? I take that back! That was obviously Daylight Savings talking. Now that we're back to standard time, I can already tell that the days are going to drag. I had a nice morning today, though. My parents stopped in on their way home from a flea market. They spent some time with me, then went by my house to take Rigby for a few days. Right after they left, Christy and Jackie came to visit again! Jackie brought Madeline an adorable bootie/hat/blanket set. I can't wait to put them on her.

After the girls left, Mike came and we rested. I'd had a rough night so I was really feeling the need to sleep. Of course, I can never sleep more than 40 minutes before I have to change positions - my back and hips are destroyed from my prone position. Then, when I change positions, the baby also moves, slipping off her heart monitor. So then a nurse comes in to find her again. It's a vicious cycle. Tomorrow I have my glucose screening and tolerance test. I have to drink a sugary drink, then have blood taken to see how my body reacts to it. This will determine if I have gestational diabetes. It's a standard test administered to all pregnant women around this time, so it's not like my doctor has suspicions or anything!

HOSPITAL FOOD
Breakfast: Raisin Bran, Cream of Wheat, Orange Juice, decaf coffee
Lunch: Herb roasted chicken, mashed potatoes, iced tea, apple cobbler
OUTSIDE FOOD
Omelet Fresco from Bread and Porridge

Day Nine

As Mike so eloquently put it below, Madeline has been measured and is estimated to be around two pounds, 13 ounces. How do they know that? Well, my OB was here early this afternoon with the sonogram machine. After checking my fluid levels, she measured the baby's head, abdomen, and femur. Based on the measurements, there is some sort of formula all OBs use that helps them estimate the weight. Estimate being the key word there. She could weigh more, and she could weight less. It's weird to think I have three pounds of baby moving around in there. I don't FEEL like there is something that heavy in my stomach, although I'm not exactly walking around noticing that sort of thing. But, when she kicks or stretches her legs out, I definitely feel her strength! So maybe three pounds is about right.

There was other good news from the doctor. My fluid levels hadn't decreased, and while my white blood cell count was up, it wasn't higher than it had been in the past. A high white blood cell count indicates infection, although most pregnant women have higher WBC counts than average (a normal count is below 10,000). Mine was at 14,000. It's never been higher than that, although it has been as low as 12,000. So an eye will be kept on that, but unless the elevated numbers also accompany a raised temperature and heart rate from me and the baby, I most likely don't have an infection. I also stopped taking antibiotics yesterday, so I will be finding out what the next course of action is tomorrow or Monday.

Mike and I also toured the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit today. I got to sit in a wheelchair and leave my room for the first time since I checked in. I was happy to finally really see the maternity floor since when we arrived last Thursday night I wasn't really paying attention to anything. My nurse escorted us to the NICU and introduced us to a few of the nurses that work in there. One of the nurses showed us an incubator and all the different machines they use to help the babies that require their care. I'm very glad we were able to see the unit BEFORE Madeline is in there. We were able to take it all in and ask lots of questions, and I think we're both feeling good about the place. It's very high tech and the nurses are really nice and attentive. Before our tour, they'd discharged a little girl who'd been in the NICU for 63 days. She was born at 28 weeks, which is what I'll be on Monday. Of course, the longer Madeline waits to be born, the less time she'll have to spend in the NICU. I am more than willing to be in the hospital if it cuts down on the time she'll have to spend here.

As if that wasn't enough excitement for the day, I had a lot more! Christy and Jackie came to visit me before they went to the USC homecoming game, and they brought my room some fun USC decorations. They brought homecoming to me! While they were here, my doctor came by, and Catherine, an emergency room nurse here in the hospital who I also grew up with! Catherine is finishing her nursing training so she's rotating out to different hospitals; she's currently in Long Beach learning about being a labor and delivery nurse. But, she still works here on the weekends so she's going to see me whenever she's here. I hadn't seen Catherine in a long time so it was fun to catch up with her. After they all left, my whole family came to hang out with Mike and me. First it was my parents and Aunt Lynn, then later Kyle, Leah, and Ted came over. We watched the USC game, ate yummy food, and also celebrated my mom's birthday. It was great to spend so much time with everyone. It's hard to believe I've already been here nine days. The time is actually going pretty fast.

HOSPITAL FOOD
Breakfast: Raisin Bran, Cream of Wheat, Orange Juice, decaf coffee
Lunch: Macaroni and cheese, broccoli, iced tea, lemon poppy seed muffin
OUTSIDE FOOD
Spinach dip, cherry tomato bites, Buca di Beppo