Mother of the Year

Madeline has started giggling outrageously whenever she thinks something is funny. The best part is that she laughs at the appropriate times. Like, just a minute ago, Mike farted, and she thought it was the funniest thing in the world. Me, I just don't get the humor in farts. She also laughs when I tell her jokes. If I'd known she'd be such an easy audience I would have had her a lot sooner.

Her laugh is like chocolate chex, I just can't get enough. This morning, I was making her dance. You know, making her clap, wave her hands, etc. She was in the middle of the best giggle of all time when I moved her hand across her face (Come on, Vogue...VOGUE!), and she gouged a chunk of skin out of the bridge of her nose with an errant thumb nail. Oh, the wailing and the crocodile tears. I felt like crap. Not only did I neglect her fingernail upkeep, but then I forced her to stab herself.

I scooped her up and carried her toward her nursery so I could calm her down and clean up THE BLOOD. When I walked through the door to her room, she threw her little arm out and grabbed the door jam. I didn't see this, of course, so her arm got wrenched back and OH the wailing and the crocodile tears.

I had to get some wipes for THE BLOOD and the nail clippers for her talons, so I laid her in the crib while I gathered my supplies. After I grabbed the wipes bag, I realized she wasn't crying. I peered over the edge of her crib and saw her sucking her thumb. It's so cute I could die. I softly said, "aaaawwwww," but apparently she has bionic hearing, because she jumped out of her skin, and in the process managed to cut the inside of her lip with her devil thumb nail. Babies' mouths bleed a lot. Just sayin'.

After I managed to clean up and calm down Maddie, I sat down in her rocking chair. I lifted my right foot to cross my legs...and kicked the dog square in the head. Rigby is a little dog and is somewhat used to getting beat up, but I guess I have Beckham-like strength in my leg because poor little Rigby let out a yelp of pain that pierced my already shredded self-confidence. I reached down and picked Rigby up with the intention of comforting her...and as I lifted her, I slammed her already-injured head into the changing table, eliciting another yelp. I tried to put her in my lap, but it should surprise no one that she immediately ran away and hid under Maddie's crib.

If you're looking for me, I'll be hiding from Child Protective Services and the ASPCA.

I Swear This Is A True Story

Even though my birthday is a MERE three weeks away, I have been busy helping the girls think of what to get Mike for Father's Day. I am so selfless, always thinking of others. I seriously deserve an SLR Camera or something.

So anyway, I was helping the girls think of a present. The girls are Madeline and Rigby, of course. The dog always gives a present. I threw around a bunch of ideas, but Maddie and Rigby came up with a brilliant idea on their own. They had to pool their allowance and use my credit card, but I think Mike will be very happy with what they chose.

Maddie ordered it while I was at work. No, Rigby couldn't order it - she doesn't have opposable thumbs. Makes it hard to type. Here's Maddie, clicking away on the typewriter, getting her daddy the best present ever!


I know. It's Friday. I'm tired.

Can We Talk?

Heather has done a great job of keeping everyone updated on the goings-on here with Maddie, but unfortunately she is sick today with the same illness that previously knocked Maddie and myself out for a while. With that being the case I will blog today in her place, and I'd like to think of myself sort of as Heather's own Joan Rivers. Ol' Plastic Face, if you remember (or read about in the history books), was Johnny Carson's official fill-in, and would host whenever Johnny couldn't. Now I don't see myself as a woman, let alone one who has had more plastic surgery than I'm sure I'd have even if I was in a horrible car crash, but I'm here nonetheless!

As opposed to interviewing a cast member of Dynasty or Eight Is Enough, as Joan may have, I will instead tell you about my day. As Heather alluded to in her previous post, I am doing most everything on my own right now what with Heather being sick. With that said, here are the highlights of my schedule the last 24 hours (NOTE: Woman who want children with their boyfriend or husband should be careful that this document does not fall in their hands):

4:15 til 5:00 -Changing diaper, feeding baby, rocking her to sleep.
8:00 til 8:30 - more diapers, more feeding, more rocking to sleep.
8:30 til 8:45 - Check email, use restroom
8:45 til 8:50 - Take Rigby outside to go to bathroom...nod an awkward hello to the pretty business woman leaving in Armani as I walk my dog in PJs and messy hair.
8:50 til 9:00 - Check on Heather who is miserable. Bring the poor thing medicine.
9:00 til 9:30 - give Maddie her breathing treatments
9:30 til 10:00 - feed Madeline
10:00 til 11:30 - Get some writing done.
11:30 til 11:45 - Change Maddie's diaper and rock her to sleep
11:45 til 12:00 - Take care of Heather, bring her food
12:00 til 2:30 - Got a chance to work, but also lots of caring for baby and pup...
2:30 - 300: Get Maddie and Heather ready to go to the doctor
3:00 - 3:15 - Drop Heather off and get home with Maddie
3:15 - 3:30 - Take Rigby out to the bathroom
3:30 - 4:00 - Give Maddie her breathing treatments and change her diaper
4:00- 4:15 - Pick up Heather and take her home
4:15 - 4:45 - Fill Heather's prescription....

Shoot. I'm tired of chronicling the day at this point let alone living it! Just be aware that after this point I held the dog for an hour and a half because she kept barking while Heather tried to sleep, and, oh yeah, gave Maddie another feeding and diaper change!

Heather, when up and able, plays a huge role in getting all these things done everyday, and, even though I already appreciated her, have come to appreciate her even more what with how much she does for our family. I will be happy when she is better, but in the meantime I am able to keep rollin' thanks to things such as the following, when, after giving Maddie to Heather so I could shower, I came back to see this...

So all in all things are pretty great despite all the hard work. Hopefully tomorrow you will have Johnny Carson back and won't have to listen to me!

Stay tuned for Late Night!

Swing For Two

I slept until 9 am and then I took a shower in my own house! I feel like a new person.

We're working to get Maddie back on her regular schedule. Before her hospital stay she was only waking up once a night to eat. Since she was having a hard time keeping food down when she was sick, we were feeding her smaller amounts more often. Now that she's feeling better, we are trying to get her back to eating more, less often. She woke up three times last night, so we haven't had much success yet. It's only been one day, though, so we can't really complain.

My parents and cousin Leah came over to visit with Maddie today. My mom helped me better organize Maddie's clothes, sheets, towels, and blankets. Her dresser and changing table drawers were overflowing with stuff, and I'd started to use her crib as a temporary storage place. My mom decided that today was the day she was going to force me to get better organized. She dealt with the sheets, towels, and blankets, and I sorted all her clothes. Part of the problem is that Maddie and I share a closet (while Mike has his own - what's up with THAT?), so we really ARE limited in space. Together my mom and I got everything put away and now Maddie's crib is ready for her to sleep in. I don't know that we'll let her sleep in there at night yet...she's ready, but Mike and I aren't. We need a few more nights of her at home in the bassinet next to our bed before we are ready to let our tiny girl sleep in her own room.

I set up her video monitor (thanks, Robs!!!) and I can see Mike and I having ridiculous fun with it. My dad took one look at the camera and started messing around with it. All I have to say is, thank goodness it isn't hooked up to a VCR. Boys see cameras and revert into 12 year olds.

Rigby is so pleased we are all back home. I'd thought for sure she'd be happy that Madeline was gone for two weeks - even though she'd warmed up to her in the last month, I felt like there was still some animosity there. But when I set Maddie's car seat down yesterday, Rigby was ALL ABOUT her. She would have climbed into the seat with Maddie if I'd let her. As it was, I let Rigby smell her feet and she licked Maddie's foot for like five minutes. It was both cute and slightly nauseating. Today, when I put Maddie in her swing, Rigby carefully climbed in it with her and laid on her legs! They remained that way for about three minutes, until Maddie literally kicked Rigby out of the swing with a chubby leg. Sibling rivalry. (Don't let the perspective in the photo fool you - Rigby weighs three pounds less than Madeline.)

I'm hopeful that Mike will let me take Maddie out of her bubble and we can go for a walk around the neighborhood tomorrow. Living in a hospital for two weeks seriously impacted my diet and exercise regimen (I say that as if I have much of one), and I'm feeling like being a little active. I also hope to visit Tara and her son tomorrow! Or as I refer to him, Son-in-Law. It makes me laugh that Son-in-Law is the same length that Maddie is now and weighs only 1 pound, 5 ounces less than her. At this rate, he will hit ten pounds first and Tara will be enjoying solid nights of sleep before Mike and me. You don't find too many almost-five-month-olds that still fit into Newborn clothes. She's so freaking cute, though. My dad calls her a teacup baby. She would definitely fit in my purse, if I was, you know, psycho.

The Girls

As some of you know, Mike and I had our first baby in February of 2005. We named her Eleanor Rigby, or Rigby for short.

She's adopted.

We love Rigby so much. She taught us responsibility and how to love something besides ourselves. She also taught me how fun it is to dress up things that are small and defenseless.

Her wardrobe is extensive. And seriously, she loves wearing clothes. If you hold up a shirt or shoes or a coat, she will run over and sit so you can put the clothes on her. Such a girl.

For a long time, it was just the three of us, Mike, Rigby, and me, and life was perfect. When I became pregnant, she seemed to sense something was going on. She was suddenly extra protective of me, barking at anyone who came near. When I was laying down, she would wrap herself around my growing belly. We figured that even though Rigby had been spayed, she still had that maternal instinct. Then we brought Maddie home. Rigby was not amused.

When people would come to see the baby, Rigby would demand attention from them. She'd climb into their laps and bark and do anything to get attention. Our once moderately behaved dog became a badly behaved dog. YET. She never showed any animosity toward Maddie. In fact, if Maddie cried or fussed, Rigby would run over to the bassinet to alert us that the baby! needed! help!

She wouldn't ever get too close to the baby, but she accepted her as part of the pack.

One night I had Maddie on the ground for a little tummy and back time. Rigby usually stayed away when we'd play on the ground, but this time she jumped off the couch and slowly crept over to where Maddie and I were playing. I kept my eyes on her as she sniffed Maddie. She then turned around, but instead of leaving, she snuggled up next to Maddie. We almost died.


Ever since then, Rigby totally digs Maddie. She loves to come sit on her feet when she's being fed. She sniffs her any chance she can get. Basically, they're best buds. We wouldn't have it any other way.

Brrrr

I’m having a hard time thinking about anything other than how cold my office is. I sit right under a vent and it is blowing icy air right now. I honestly couldn’t tell you WHY the air conditioner is on when, according to my Weather Channel Desktop Icon, it is 78 degrees outside. I think 78 degrees is pleasant and NOT a temperature that requires Freon. Just saying. The only way I can warm up is to wrap myself in fleece blankets and drink my 807th cup of coffee.

Anyway. Maddie has been having lots of fun with The Babysitter (a.k.a. Grandma) while I’ve been slaving away at work. Today they went on a walk to pick up Rigby from the groomer. Rigby and I both get our hair cut every six weeks or so. It’s one of the luxuries we allow ourselves as women. Rigby has fans at the groomer – when I called to make her appointment, the woman on the other end of the phone said, “oooooh! My Rigby! She’s so snuggly!” You don’t find too many groomers that take the time to snuggle your dog, so this place is definitely a keeper. Although, snuggling is not normally one of the services they offer...they found out the hard way that if Rigby is locked in a cage, Rigby is not happy. If Rigby is not happy, Rigby will bark. And it’s not just any bark, it is the special kind of bark that only small, irritating dogs posses. High pitched and incessant, it makes your ears bleed and your brain explode. When Rigby gets on a barking jag, one wishes for the sweet relief of death. Luckily, it is easy to make her stop – just pick her up. Then she’s happy as a clam. Don’t get me wrong, Rigby is far from irritating in all other aspects. She just has some owners that did a crappy job training her in the manners department. She’s really cute when she high-fives, though!!!


When Maddie and my mom picked Rigby up, my mom engaged in her favorite pastime – showing off her granddaughter. Somehow my mom found out that the owner of the grooming place also had daughter who was born premature. So she was abnormally thrilled to fetch Rigby and show the nice man her abnormally tiny granddaughter. My mom said that everyone at the grooming place gathered around Maddie’s stroller to look in at her. Maddie silently looked back at all of them and then, when the moment was right, smiled back at them. Melting by all ensued, free dog biscuits were offered (to the dog, not the baby). I’m so proud my daughter has already figured out that being cute gets you things. Someday she’ll use that smile for free drinks (but not for 21 years, of course) and dinners from boys. Until then, she’ll just be my little gangsta.

Day Fourteen

Thank goodness, my migraine was pretty much gone when I woke up this morning. That was just too many days of headache for me. My nurses were very relieved that my migraine was gone, along with my low blood pressure. My night nurse told me last night that if those things didn't go away, I was probably going to have to go back on IV fluids. If only a nurse had told me that sooner! I swear as soon as I heard that my headache went away.

My OB came by and was happy to hear that my blood sugar levels were under control. She told my nurse that if my levels stay low, I won't have to test multiple times per day. YAY! My fingers look like pin cushions already. Good thing I'm not a hand model. My doctor also scheduled a massage from physical therapy for me. It was supposed to happen today (actually, it was supposed to happen yesterday, but with the headache it was pushed back), but no one showed. What a bunch of crap, right? So I'm going to complain tomorrow. I know, wah wah, no massage today, but I seriously NEED IT. I have never needed anything more in my life!!!

My mom was here with me today, and she gave me a great shoulder, head, and face rub to help ease my discomfort. We had a nice day visiting and relaxing. She also took a quick trip to Whole Foods to get me some Diabetes Approved snacks. Poor Mike, he is still feeling pretty sick, so he only came by for a quick visit. He spent most of the day either working on our house with his parents or resting. He looked and sounded much better than he did yesterday, so I'm hopeful that he'll be even better tomorrow.

I also had one other visitor today. Seeing her was great!

Yep, it's Rigby (ignore her creepy red eye)!!! My mom and Mike smuggled her in to see me by putting her in a back pack and zipping it up! I was sooo happy to see my little puppy. It's been a long two weeks without her.

HOSPITAL FOOD
Breakfast: Cream of Wheat, 1/2 biscuit sandwich with eggs and sausage, milk
Snack: low calorie, no sugar yogurt
Lunch: 1/2 portion baked ziti, diet gelatin
Snack: Graham crackers, milk
Dinner: Honey glazed chicken, fresh fruit, milk
OUTSIDE FOOD
edamame

Thoughts From Mike 3: Beyond Thunderdome

Heather really hasn't had that many cravings during this pregnancy, that is as long as you exclude the time she woke at three in the morning and, in a Pavlovian response to a KFC commercial playing on our TV, insisted that she absolutely HAD to have their mashed potatoes right then and there. Tonight, however, she had a craving for McDonald's french fries, so I went on a walk down the block to McDonalds. McDonalds is a weird place at... Oh crap. As I write this the very same commercial that spurred H's mashed potatoes craving has come on the flatscreen. Let me look over at H. She hasn't noticed. She's reading an email. Thank you to whoever sent it. Let's see. The commercial is almost over...Heather is still looking at the computer...and we are clear. Hmm. That was weird. I think I will change topics lest I want to challenge the fates to inspire Heather to send me on another craving run.

Speaking of challenging the fates, tomorrow night is a big one for that. Let me explain. Ever since Heather was put on bedrest sometime back in the mid eighties my role in life has been to take care of her. When she was at home I would cook, clean, give massages, sit through endless episodes of television shows that no man should ever sit through, and, with the exception of the time I accidentally shredded my thumb instead of cheese, all went well. I bring this up not to be seen as a martyr -- and it should be noted that I did get some breaks thanks to H’s mom, Linda, as well as Brianne and Leah -- but because tomorrow I am going to have the ultimate break from all of this madness. Tomorrow, at the new Nokia Theater in downtown LA, I will sit in the tenth row to see Neil Young live and in concert! Oh, but the fun doesn't stop there, kids. Right next door at the Staples Center my beloved Golden State Warriors will be playing the Clippers, and I will see that too! You may be wondering how that is possible. Well, listen and learn, mi amigos. Tip-off is at 7:30, but Shakey doesn't take the stage until nine, so I will watch the first half of the game, then run over to Nokia for the concert. I will likely eat some incredibly decadent hot dog as well, and all in all it should be just about Mike Spohr heaven. In the back of my mind though I worry about those fates, because if they have a sick sense of humor they will make something happen with H tomorrow. I realize the birth of your first child is an amazing and transcendent experience, but it just seems to me that it would be even more amazing and transcendent on a night that I don't have tickets to the Warriors and Neil Young.


The other thing I did today was bring Rigby to the hospital to give to Linda so that she could take her back to Newbury Park for the next few days. In making the exchange, it was decided that we would do it on the corner of 23rd and Arizona, so that H could stand in the window (just for a moment mind you, then back to bed) so that she could see Rigby. I called when I arrived and we talked on our cells as she peered down at me and Rigby. Poor Heather. You could tell she was really happy to see her pup. At one point Rigby squatted to do her business and H said with a catch in her throat, "Aww. She's pooing." I'm pretty sure Rigby's defecating has never moved Heather to tears before. When I got up to the room I told Heather to be strong and that before long she will be home with me, Rigby, AND a beautiful baby, and that then all of this will have been worth it.

Happy Halloween!

Rigby is ready for the trick or treaters.

Happy Halloween from Rigby the Lady Bug!

Notes from Mike

I am currently sitting in my "daddy cove," a little area of Heather's hospital room where I have my things and a bed-ish place I will sleep on tonight for the third time (I went home last night). I refer to it as bed-ish because it likely intended as a place for visitors to sit, not sleep. It does the job though as it is long enough to sleep on, and more comfortable now that I have one of those egg crate mats on it. All in all being a dad-to-be in the maternity ward is not bad at all in 2007 what with wireless internet connections and flat screen TVs.

A big drawback though is the parking - it is twelve bucks a day valet - and that is the cheapest option unless you want to move your car every two hours. I know, I know. It is very La-La Los Angeles to have valets at a hospital, but that is how it works here. Today, however, Linda (H's mom) picked me up and dropped me off and I will walk back home in the morning so I can save the twelve bucks. It will be a bit of a hike, and I may suddenly think twelve bucks ain't that bad once I get home drenched in sweat and panting. Or, if I pass out on the street, the ambulance will likely take me back to this hospital which would save me another twelve bucks!

The other thing we're dealing with is how to take care of Rigby. Linda and Kirk will take care of her for the most part, but they will leave her with me a little. For example, when Heather was admitted to the hospital on Thursday Linda took Rigby to Newbury Park with her and kept her until Saturday. I then hung with the pup during the day at my place and had her at the foot of the bed that night when I stayed at home, then gave her back to Kirk and Linda who will keep her til Tuesday. I will then have her til Wednesday. Poor Rigby is a like a child of divorce. I worry she will start listening to emo music and dressing in black if we keep this up too long. She's got plenty of bones though...so don't worry about her too much!

About The Spohrs

Who are you Spohrs, anyway?
We're glad you asked. The Spohr Family is Mike, Heather, Madeline, and our dog Rigby. We live in Los Angeles. We've been a family for over five years, and Mike has been a Spohr for over thirty years.

What's with the name?
Well, Spohr is our last name. It's pronounced SPORE. According to Wikipedia, a spore is a reproductive structure that is adapted for dispersion and surviving for extended periods of time in unfavorable conditions. Like us, only spelled differently.

Remember after 9/11 when there was that big anthrax spore scare?
Oh yes, we remember. We thought all your jokes were hilarious.

What's this blog about and why should I read it?
We started this blog when Heather was pregnant. It was a rough and rocky pregnancy and we wanted to keep our friends informed. When Madeline was born premature, we posted updates about her rough start in life. Now that she's out of the neonatal intensive care unit, she's been hospitalizd a few times thanks to complications from her premature birth. You should read because at the very least, we're funnier than that spreadsheet you're supposed to be working on or that pile of dishes sitting in your sink. And you KNOW you love reading about hospital drama.